TOM CRUISE? Oh, Katie, Katie, Katie…

It's one week until Election Day! Woo-hoo! I have been greatly impressed by Michael Howard's attempt to try and make people vote against Tony Blair because…well, he smells or something. Oh and he lied. Not that Howard was ever against the War at any point, and of course, the Conservatives were very critical of the Government for not rushing in before fighting broke out.

You have to feel sorry for them, really. They're desperately trying to show that they'd spend at least as much money on hospitals and education, turning their backs on eighteen years of Thatcherism, and their once-great trump card of "Labour will run the country into the ground and there will be dead bodies overflowing onto the streets" doesn't work after eight fairly decent years under Labour. Their only hope, it appears, is to runs as far to the right as possible, trying hard not to be racist, but giving enough leeway to make them seem attractive to those who would consider voting BNP/NF/UKIP. I'm trying to feel a little sorry for them. On the other hand, I would really like a Lib Dem opposition…

We've had a few leaflets delivered for our non-event of an election next week (if Tony Baldry isn't re-elected, there will be lots of hats eaten). Firstly - the Lib Dems need to hire a graphic designer. I know, I know, substance-over-style and all that, but come on: about four different fonts, images in a layout that looked as if it had been 'helped' by MS Word, and obvious "INSERT LOCAL BITS HERE" text. Just horrible.

I do love reading leaflets from the far-right parties. It makes me smile to spot all the spelling and grammatical errors they've made while calling for the expulsion of foreigners from our lands. Also! Fun policies! UKIP will pull us out of the EU immediately and station the army outside the Channel Tunnel - JUST IN CASE! The National Front will kick out 'left-wing subversion in our schools, trade-unions, and mass-media", as well as banning all imports. That'll work out well when we run out of petrol. But I'm sure they have a plan. The prize, though, goes to the BNP, who, obviously saw the fox-hunting fight as a challenge. If elected, the BNP will outlaw opinion polls. A round of applause, please, for making the concept of yogic flying sound sensible.

Also, a leaflet from Your Party, whose raison d'etre is "tell us what you want us to do. We have no policies." I mean, you have to admire the idea of representing the people, but come on, you have to stand for something! You might as well be an Auton…

But! I shall leave you with a picture for my sister, who has learnt to love the thought of this man dancing in a dress during the past few days…