But first…
Somebody challenged me earlier today to come up with a case for voting for John Kerry that didn't mention George W. Bush. I'm just an interested observer, but here's why I would vote for Kerry:
I would vote for John Kerry because he would repeal the tax cuts for the top 2% earners of the country, eliminate many corporate tax loopholes, use the money to help combat the deficit and fund enhanced college tax credits, and raise the minimum wage from $5.15/hour to $7.00/hour.
I would vote for John Kerry because he has plans to reduce the prices of prescription drugs, by reforming patent law so companies cannot prevent generic brands from entering the market, and bringing the benefits of bulk purchasing pricing to all. He would fund a medical insurance policy for every child in the US enrolled in school, as well as expanding coverage for working parents and single adults living below the poverty line.
I would vote for John Kerry because he would call for a law that would make education funding mandatory, and increase that funding by $10bn per year. He will remove the parts of the No Child Left Behind Act that cut off funding for failing schools, instead giving extra help and funding to see that they catch up. He will also allocate $25bn for the rebuilding and modernisation of schools, and increase support for after-school clubs. He will simplify the application form for college aid, which will hopefully result in more students taking the opportunity of a $5,000 loan from the Government, as well as the tax credits mentioned earlier.
I would vote for John Kerry because he wishes to find energy sources beyond OPEC, and he will set a target of having 20% of America's energy needs supplied by renewable energy by 2020. He will also strengthen the Environmental Protection Agency, giving them new powers to research and take action against toxic waste. He will ban logging in important forests, reinstate the Clean Air Act, close loopholes in that Act, and enforce it.
I would vote for John Kerry because he would encourage other nations of the world to help in the reconstruction of Iraq by offering contracts to all countries (including Iraq itself) and ending the no-bid ones. He would engage in negotiations with the rest of the world to create a fully-fledged multinational force to keep the peace in the country. He will ask NATO to take expand its force outside of Kabul, and stop the Taliban from regrouping and stop the rebuilding of the poppy fields. He will help the Russians secure their nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons stockpile, and will work with other nations to cut off funding for terrorist organisations.
I could go on, but that's some of the reasons why I would vote for John Kerry. Come back next May when I do the same thing, setting out the reasons why I will be voting to ensure a third Labour term. (and Mr. Blair, I feel for you. That's going to HURT tomorrow, speaking from some experience)
(oh, and while I'm here, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA to the Conservative Party, who are being blasted back to the 19th century even as I type)
So, the debate, then. Actually, less of a debate, and more of two people giving speeches. The two camps agreed to a 32-page memorandum listing what can and can't be done tonight. So, no follow-up questions from moderators, the two candidates cannot address each other, and most bizarrely of all, an order that cameras should not show the other candidate when the other is speaking (perhaps they were worried that funny faces and/or mooning would be involved otherwise). Really, it's a wonder why they're even bothering to be in the same building. But who knows, something interesting could happen.
And the biggest part of the build-up hype? Fox News is making a big deal about Kerry having a manicure. I'm switching to CNN; it's the only way my TV will survive the night. Oh, and Dan Quayle is a talking head. hahahaha.
My God, Novak really does look like the Douchebag of Liberty, doesn't he?
And so we begin. 90MinutesSpeechifyingGO!
(by the way, this debate is Foreign Policy, in case you were wondering)
First question to Kerry: do you believe that you could do a better job of preventing another 9/11? Kerry answers by thanking everybody for inviting him. Then after thirty seconds of that, getting into the question proper (see above for what he said ;-)). Bush responds by recounting all the successes he's made so far. In his eyes.
Second question to Bush and he's stopped making sense…and naturally not answering the question ("do you believe that a Kerry presidency would allow another 9/11" or something")
"We also have to be smart." — BOOYAH!
And our first two-camera shot! Take that, rules!
Well, in my opinion, Kerry is making a decent case why Iraq was a mistake. Bush blows it apart by pointing out that Kerry supported the war.
George Bush mixes up bin Laden and Saddam. I'm telling you, they believe it themselves…
Kerry is treading on dangerous ground with the underfunding line — as Bush will hit back by pointing out that he didn't back the funding bill. But he didn't, and Kerry came out reasonably well.
Onto national security. And Kerry is kicking ass. Personally speaking. But Bush says that he can't afford it. Kerry makes a point about the untranslated tapes, and claims that's another symptom of Bush's failure.
Ouch! Kerry is hitting on the Oil Ministry thing (where the US soldiers protected the ministry and nothing else).
And Bush breaks the rules. To get in a flip-flop reference. And Kerry comes out swinging. The first time he's ever really spoken clearly about voting against the funding bill, to be honest. And a standard Bush tactic of saying that Kerry is denigrating the other nations' contributions. Definitely trying to harp on at the "wrong war at the wrong time" meme. Saying that Kerry cannot bring in other nations.
WE FORGOT POLAND!
DAMN KERRY! You should have said: "yes, and nobody is being executed now, are they?"
Bush is a little rattled. Oh! Schoooled! "I've worked with these leaders for longer than this President. I came bring them back to the table."
Kerry gets in his website! "President Bush's plan is four words: 'more of the same'"
Bush keeps on saying the same thing over and over. It's actually becoming annoying, actually. Kerry talks about something, then Bush just rambles: "wrong war at the wrong time - he can't lead us!"
Admittedly, I've lost all impartiality here, but Kerry is doing quite well.
"We use diplomacy every time we can" — HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kerry's has seized on 'the enemy that attacked us' to blast the war on Iraq. Ooh! OWNED!
'bin laden attacked us. i know that!' — said in the tone of a five year old child.
ACTIVIST JUDGES IN THE HAGUE! Those damn Dutch. Oh, and is he denigrating us, because WE signed up to that court? Hmmm?
Bush is having trouble stringing sentences together.
Now onto other countries Kerry is still banging on about the current state of the US Army, and making a few mistakes along the way (North Korea and uranium, Iran and sanctions).
Bush is now saying nice things about Kerry. Before wailing on him. Because "I know how the world works!"
Coming to the last ten minutes now. Kerry is decrying the new nuclear weapons that the US is building, promising that he'll shut the programme down, Missile defence systems don't protect against suitcase bombs, nutcase!
Closing statements now. Kerry first. "a fresh start, a new credibility."
Bush stumbles and mutters, and finishes eventually.
Result? Bush got slammed. Now we'll see what the media says about it…
The campaign has moved on from Swift boats and National Guard records; now it's an all-out assault on the most heinous of all evils: the polling companies (death to Joey Lucas!).
Specifically, Democrats are fuming about Gallup's polling for the past three months, which has been consistently showing a large lead for Bush over Kerry, contradicting the results from almost all of the other polling companies. Some are questioning Gallup's reliance on what it calls The Likely Voter Model; this method involves asking seven questions of the pollee (no, I know it's not a real word), and throws out answers by people who score below a certain threshold (supposedly, you need either six or seven correct answers to be included in Gallup's sample). And this model creates a split in the sample, indicating that Republican voters will outnumber Democrat voters by six to eight percentage points (the rest of Bush's lead comes from independent voters). But, historically, voters who identify themselves as Democrats outnumber the Republicans at the actual polls. In fact, if the Gallup data is true, then the change in vote would be almost equal to the shift towards FDR in the 1930s. It could happen, but none of the other polls are predicting such a huge shift. If Gallup's LV data is re-weighted to 2000's turnout, then the race narrows to Bush 48-47 Kerry. (Also, the high lead masks that Kerry is leading smong independent voters)
The greatest shoot 'em up in the history of mankind…so far.
Sigh. I remember when Everything Is Nice (Matador At 10) was released.
[whiny tone] I take heat for a lot of things
YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?!
Before beginning any sightseeing, make your very first destination a walk to the nearest fire exit at your hotel. Know how to get out of your hotel in an emergency. Instead of sightseeing, maybe consider not leaving your hotel at all.
Coming this Fall on Fox News: Epic Journeys To The Back Gate And Back.
Yes, I'm warming up for the first debate on Thursday. Consider yourselves warned…
While I've been away: Donald Rumsfeld gets confused about who the heck Osama bin Laden is:
Saddam Hussein, if he's alive, is spending a whale of a lot of time trying to not get caught. And we've not seen him on a video since 2001.
That he did it twice in the same interview suggests that even the Bush Administration has been affected by its relentless juxtaposition of the two regimes. But lo! Is that another episode in "Mr. Rumsfeld's Neighbourhood"? But of course. This time: faced with the suggestion that it might be a little dangerous for elections to be held in troubled parts of Iraq:
Let's say you tried to have an election and you could have it in three-quarters or four-fifths of the country. But in some places you couldn't because the violence was too great," Rumsfeld said at a Senate Armed Services Committee hearing.
"Well, so be it. Nothing's perfect in life, so you have an election that's not quite perfect. Is it better than not having an election? You bet," he said.
On a completely unrelated note — international observers to oversee upcoming US elections.
Moving on to John Ashcroft, a man who has had so much success. After all, he got the PATRIOT Act passed, thus allowing the authorities to ignore many of the safeguards built into surveillance laws, in order to safeguard the nation and lock up all the terrorists. To date, the agencies Mr. Ashcroft oversees have locked up 5,000 people across America. Unfortunately, he's yet to get a conviction to stick; at the start of the month, a judge overturned his only success; a conviction of a group of men on terror charges, on the basis that the prosecution was making it all up. But you have to trust the Administration! Changing in mid-course would be tantamount to treason! Even the recent attempt to go after 1970s singer-songwriters seems to be backfiring on them at the moment.
like the Twin Towers / falling down like April Showers
Nicky. Nicky. Please. For the love of God and The Holy Bible, please stop. It's getting embarrassing.
This Friday's selections are just the right thing for when an Autumn day is drawing to a close.
Epic 45 are a UK band, but this song comes recommended via Laura, Chapel Hill and the WXYC radio station (they don't have a UK record deal at the moment). It has one of those guitar parts; gentle and disarming, introspective and star-gazing. The vocals are hidden behind multiple echo effects, a technique stolen from Disco Inferno (but if you're going to steal, you might as well go after the best). It's a song that is trying to express itself, but can't, hiding behind its tricks, offering brief glimpses of its real state of mind.
Another old Factory record. This one is much closer to the traditional Factory sound; not surprising considering that this was produced by Bemusic, or New Order under a pen name. A stripped-down dance tune, with a very simple synth melody (which sounds fantastic, but it's only about five notes), a spaced-out drum beat, and the ever-helpful advice of "once you've left the floor, there ain't no beat no more". It's perfect listening for 1am…
To the person who sent over 100 spam comments to this weblog today:
I really hope that your mobile phone number is discovered by persistent early-morning telemarketers…
One of George Lucas's many changes to the original Star Wars trilogy
All of Calvin & Hobbes, in one giant collection!
SHOW TUNES 1, FUNDAMENTALISTS 0
It be International Talk Like A Pirate Day. me hearties!
Avast! Arrr! Shiver and timbers! And suchlike.
Q. Why doesn't the Pirate Academy have a dean's list?
A. Cause they're all sea students.
YAARRR!
This week! A Scandinavian special!
The Knife — Heartbeats
Annie — Heartbeat
Two songs, one from Sweden, the other from Norway, both harking back to the magic discontinuity of 1982-3, when New Pop was in ascendence. The Knife is helped by the stilted voice and a jaunty Cyndi Lauper-esque backing track, snarling rage and disappointment bubbling under the surface. Annie, on the other hand, is silky smooth, channelling Trevor Horn and ABC to come up with The Look of Love (Part 23). Annoyingly, Annie's new album, Anniemal (yes, I know. Take it from me — what I heard almost makes up for the criminal pun), keeps on being delayed; it was supposed to be released in the UK this week, but it's now looking likely for early 2005. See if you can get hold of a pre-release copy from the usual file-sharing networks.
Oh, and finally, because nobody demanded it!
Warning: Post may involve lots of laughter at the Countryside Alliance.
Despite an invasion of the House of Commons, and a 20,000 strong protest outside Parliament (which turned violent, something which last year's anti-war demonstration, consisting of one million people, didn't. Funny that, considering how the Left are always portrayed as the ones who cause all the problems), the House of Commons passed a Bill to outlaw fox-hunting, by 356 votes to 166. The Government has also warned the House of Lords that if they try to reject the bill, the Parliament Act of 1911 will be invoked and the Lords will be overruled.
HURRAH!
It took them look enough. The Countryside Alliance would have you believe that fox-hunting is a tradition, a fine sport, and the only way to humanely control the fox population, and as such deserves to continue. Which is total bobbins. Even if being ripped to pieces by hounds is more humane than other methods (somehow, I'm not convinced), you don't go out on a fox hunt with the express purpose of animal control. They call it a sport. From Webster's 1913 dictionary, sport is defined as:
That which diverts, and makes mirth; pastime; amusement.
It's not animal control; it's a bunch of people getting on horses having a good time killing animals. And surely, we're beyond that sort of sport by now.
And tradition? Please. Tell me, if tradition is so important, then why are dogfighting, cockfighting, and badger-baiting banned? These also have a long history, but were banned long ago. Perhaps because they weren't protected by the aristocracy in the Lords, seeing as how they were "working-class" sports. If they can be outlawed, then I see no reason why the equally brutal fox hunts can't.
I feel sorry for the people that will lose their jobs, and I hope the Government will be able to provide assistance for either retraining them or establishing drag hunts (a hunt which uses an artificial scent instead), but I'm not sorry that their jobs are going.
It's been rather quiet around here for the past week, I know. Normal service will hopefully be resumed soon (if it helps, in the past week, my being back at work for a little while has meant you have avoided essays of Sesame Street, Animaniacs, and Impactor's death in Target: 2006 (he died twice to save us all!). I think you got off lightly, to be honest).
Bah! Who let the colonials in? They'll be after coffee in the pavilion, I tell you…
Photographs that changed the world
A typewriter. Possibly an important one.
It's been almost a year since I went here, but I've been invited back tonight!
Debunking the latest round of piracy scaremongering in the UK
Note to terrorists: superhero costumes will get you in anywhere…
And finally, on a terrorist note again: Russia decides that to combat terrorism, it's going to re-establish the USSR's voting procedures. I'm sure that the Chechens will take note. "They've removed democratic elections? Sod it, lads, the game's up."
There's a new Nirvana box set coming out, featuring over fifty unreleased recordings, rarities, and b-sides. Plus a DVD featuring performances by the band. No word yet as to whether the box will, in fact, be shaped like a heart (I'm so sorry).
If you have iTunes, , this link will take you to a three-minute preview of the new R.E.M. album. I'm reserving judgement until I hear the whole thing.
Nashville finally gets back at rap and hip-hop.
New Order work on Gwen Stefani's new album, and are almost finished mixing the follow-up to 2001's Get Ready.
For everybody in America: the new Saturday Looks Good To Me album is out now. I have an advance copy and I assure that it's great. Buy it!
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh 'til you collapse
We're Animaniacs!
Come join the Warner Brothers
And the Warner Sister, Dot
Just for fun we run around the Warner movie lot.
They lock us in the tower whenever we get caught
But we break loose and then vamoose
And now you know the plot!
We're Animaniacs!
Dot is cute and Yakko yaks.
Wakko packs away the snacks
While Bill Clinton plays the sax.
We're Animaniacs!
Meet Pinky and the Brain who want to rule the universe.
Goodfeathers flock together; Slappy whacks 'em with her purse.
Buttons chases Mindy, while Rita sings a verse.
The writers flipped; we have no script
Why bother to rehearse?
We're Animaniacs!
We have pay-or-play contracts.
We're zany to the max
There's baloney in our slacks.
We're Animanie,
Totally insaney
Here's the show's namey
Pinky and The Brainy
Come back, Shaney
The rain in Spainy
Cockamamie
Shirley MacLainey
How urbaney
Citizen Kaney
Andromeda Strainy
Where's Lon Chaney?
Eisenhower Mamie
Miss Cellany
Chicken Chow Meiny
Dana Delaney
No pain, no gainy
Hydroplaney
Money down the drainy
Penny Laney
Ehhh...
Tarzan and Janey
Novocainey
Here's the Flamey
Meet Mark Twainy
Presidential campaigny
Hunchback of Notre Damey
Bowling laney
Bangor, Mainey
Frasier Craney
Mister Haney
Quiche lorrainey
Lake Champlainy
High octaney
Public domainy
Candy caney
Animaniacs!
Those are the facts.
I'll try to not mention politics for a whole week…
Remember, you are nothing without your robot car.
Imagine, if you will, that Snoopy and the rest of the cast of Peanuts were moved from their idyllic home of Anytown, USA, and dropped into an 1970s New York Project. Sally and Linus playing double-dutch next to a fire-hydrant, Charlie Brown and Lucy in a game of basketball, and Schroeder's piano replaced by a set of turntables in the park. And the music produced would sound like The Go! Team, a UK band that borrows from Glen Miller as much as Grandmaster Flash.
How to explain? A song jam-packed with joy and excitement, mixing a bubble-gum rap with a homage to children's TV themes that brings to mind the Children's Foundation Films of the 1970s; all oversaturated film stock and riding on the sidewalks (hey, it is New York), mowing past girls playing hopscotch and four squares on an endless summer day. It's the childhood we secretly wished for while watching rain pounding on the windows on a cold August afternoon, wrapped up in three minutes and forty-two seconds of glee. Listen and smile.
The Go! Team's debut album, Thunder, Lightning, Strike is out next week, drawing influences from Bollywood, 1940s swing, and rap. By the end of Junior Kickstart, you will be bouncing around the room…
You're making me cry…I think we should form a posse, kidnap her and put her in a recording studio to prevent any further embarrassment. Dammit, I wanted to hear the real versions of Open and Ian.
Apologies to any non-UK readers, or non-Kenickie fans, who don't know what I'm talking about. But the pain…the pain!
It's been a quiet morning so far — WAIT! COMING IN FROM THE TIME-STREAM, IT'S ZELL MILLER OF 2001! HE'S COME TO KICK KERRY'S ASS! Oh, wait:
My job tonight is an easy one: to present to you one of this nation's authentic heroes, one of this party's best-known and greatest leaders – and a good friend.
He was once a lieutenant governor – but he didn't stay in that office 16 years, like someone else I know. It just took two years before the people of Massachusetts moved him into the United States Senate in 1984.
In his 16 years in the Senate, John Kerry has fought against government waste and worked hard to bring some accountability to Washington.
Early in his Senate career in 1986, John signed on to the Gramm-Rudman-Hollings Deficit Reduction Bill, and he fought for balanced budgets before it was considered politically correct for Democrats to do so.
John has worked to strengthen our military, reform public education, boost the economy and protect the environment. Business Week magazine named him one of the top pro-technology legislators and made him a member of its "Digital Dozen."
The press got bored with the lack of Democrat rebuttal last night, and decided to get their serve on. I give you: the adventures of Zell Miller, wherein he wishes that duels were still in fashion so he could kill a journalist. Plus it turns out that Dick Cheney as Defense Secretary, also opposed several of the military programmes that were mentioned in last night's speech.
We'll let you out when the Republicans have gone home. And not a moment beforehand.
Oh, and Mary Cheney is at the Convention. But was conspicuously absent from the family stage get-together at the end of last night.
If you're looking for baseless rumours, the word is that the reason that nobody has been making any policy statements this week is because the GOP has found their magic bullet. They really are going to dismantle the IRS, and replace general taxation with a flat tax. At this point, I still have some hope that someone in the Republican Party has the sense not to throw the country away, not to decimate people's savings, and not to destabilise the US Treasury. It sounds great (NO MORE TAXES!) except it turns out that the rich, who tend to spend less as a percentage of their income, end up paying less tax. By a considerable margin. On the other hand, the current Administration likes those types of tax cuts.
Uh? What is this line-up? A bunch of Olympic medallists (that'll go down well with the IOC), Michael Williams, the Governor of New York and Bush? Is that it? An intriguing change from this conventions ten-minute speeches, I feel.
Courtesy of Bonnie Queen of The Couch (All hail her Iron Fist that controls the Remote!), I've learnt that Kerry will be holding a rally in Ohio immediately after Bush's speech tonight. Which might explain why Democrats have been a lesser-spotted affair this week.
Incidentally — I know celebrity endorsements are not the best way to chose a candidate, but this picture is Cool:
The Labour Party is quietly aligning itself to Kerry.
Here come the Olympians and football players! Because, er, well, the Right likes celebrity endorsements when it gets them, despite decrying the Liberal Hollywood Bias.
Hmm. There's just stopped singing. What's going on? Laura Bush is coming back. Only she's not. She's standing in the crowd waving. That was pointless.
And now the military. Is there anyone below General on the stage? Here's Tommy Franks. Getting a rousing reception. They really are praising FDR this week. Considering he was the great liberal president of the last century, it seems a little strange (but obviously not - they're trying to associate Bush with the war-time image). "We've taken the fight to the terrorists!" And some other people who got in the way. "Some people think we should retreat to a defensive position." I'd love to meet these people, because they're not represented by either the Democrat or Republican platforms. By the way, been outside Kabul recently? I hear it's quite nice. Aww, we've just been thanked for taking part in the Iraq invasion. Yes, and if you had bothered to listen to the inspectors, you might have realised that you wouldn't have found any nuclear weapons.
IT'S BARBARA BUSH! Giving support to the Bush Twins. And introducing a Twins-presented documentary on the Bush family. LOOK AT THE CUTE BABY BUSHES!
Call Martha Reeves. And The Vandellas. Dancing In The Street?. They're currently being taken away in zip-cuffs in the street, you know.
Ah, Michael Williams is the assistant organiser of the Convention. The "some of my best friends are black people!" speech.
Aha. Laura Bush lifted the spirits of Afghanistan women. Is it just me who finds that a little arrogant and insulting?
My God! PIERCE BUSH? They are just like the Kennedys! Only without the predilection for dying young.
Stephen Colbert! Hehe.
Oh, please. Does it really matter anymore about Cuba? I mean, I know Castro isn't a saint, not be any means. But there's far worse out there, and he's not doing you any harm.
AND NOW! THE YEARNING BALLAD! WITH TEARS! AMERICAN FLAGS! AND WESTLIFE SITTING ON CHAIRS!
And now the Governor of NY. Thanking everybody for their help on 9/11. Quite sweet, actually.
I've just read Bush's speech. As expected, he's left most of the attacks to the Vice-President OH GOD! PATAKI'S JUST MENTIONED BIN LADEN! In an attack on Clinton. For not protecting America, and blaming 9/11 on Bill. Wonderful. Of course, the 9/11 commission found that the Clinton Administration stopped the Millennium Attack.
Anyway, ignoring Pataki's shameless attempt to position himself for 2008, the Bush speech is fairly ordinary on paper; a few references to his difficulties in talking, promoting his achievements in the past four years, a big name-check for Blair, and a small section attacking Kerry on the same subjects (voting for and against bills and so forth), but nothing stirring.
Time for Bush. Another Law & Order actor introducing (Fred Thompson). Some more trading on 9/11 for the introductory video. Wow, he threw a ball with an armoured jacket. (yes yes, symbolism, but they made out like he single-handedly revived New York's spirit)
Huge applause. 'Four more years' And the speech itself. I suppose the thing with Bush is that your expectations are so low, anything that sounds coherent seems like an improvement. He is much better when talking from a script. Oh, and the flat tax thing isn't in the speech. He does mention reform and simplification of the code, would could be a hint, but the speech, like all speeches, is light on the details.
I really don't have much more to say, bar Bush turning into a Space Squirrel at the end. It ends with a whimper. But Kerry's coming up in an hour, and I might just hang around for that…
'activist judges', attacks on Hollywood, the marriage amendment. It's not a speech for undecided voters.
HEY! I'm on realplayer now - did people just try and rush the stage?
A resounding endorsement of democracy! Well, I suppose you do owe your presidency to voter fraud, after all…
Look, I know he acts like a Conservative, but Tony Blair really isn't your friend.
John? I like you and everything, but I don't think that worked…
MISSING: The Democrat Party. Last Seen: Sometime last week. HAVE YOU SEEN THE DONKEY? The GOP was all over the Democrat Convention, but the response to the past two days has been timid to say the least. Perhaps they're waiting to spring a big surprise at the end of the week. Or maybe they're running around like headless chickens.
But first. THE GOD OF CONTEXT. Or, "how you can vote for a bill, then vote against it when people tack on $20 million to build a lamppost in Baker, California."
Meanwhile, the thorough fact-checkers of Unfit for Command failed to notify several of the 300 Veterans that they had used their names in support of their book. They're happy about it. Honest.
Oh, and welcome to Pier 57. Razorwire pens, protestors held without charge, without access to lawyers, and some suffering chemical burns from the strange substance on the floor of the former Manhattan Transit Authority building. Well, if the campaign is going to relive Vietnam, revisiting 1968's Chicago is inevitable…
I'm not in the best frame of mind for this tonight, and rumours abound that the speakers will be going all out to attack Kerry. So expect heart-crushing and weary commentary.
By the way — two days in, and no-one's mentioned the guy who carried out the attacks on New York and Washington. A little curious.
Wow, did Microsoft just photocopy iTunes for their new music website, or what?
And now! Rick Santorum! Will he compare homosexuals to bestiality again? Ah, culture wars. Damn those rappers. Comparing them to the Great Depression is a bit much though. Strong marriages! Because THE GAY would cause them all to collapse, as every man and woman in America would be forced to marry someone of the same sex. Well, it must be true. Why else would they be so worried? Damn that Kerry standing up for the Constitution.
I must have missed the Karl Rove/Barney The Dog skits. Oh, because the Dean Scream didn't get old, like back in February. Yes, they are just as bad as you can imagine. Oh, the Kerry dog is a French Poodle. It's like the Bouncer episode of Neighbours. Only that was funny.
James Brown. I Feel Good. Someone tell the Texas delegates to stop dancing. It's just SCARY.
Bono on O'Reilly! He's going around telling America that it's great, apparently. Bill can't pronounce Geldof, and he's slagging off Live Aid. Muahaha.Unprotected sex is rife in Africa because they think it's "macho"? EH? Or perhaps it's the Catholic Church.
It's not our fault! It's Clinton's fault we had a recession!
KERRY WILL TAX THE AIR, THE SEA, AND THE SKY!
The woman speaking is rather annoying. But thankfully we're leaving Pennsylvania now.
The convention has just been ordered to get on its feet by a band called Third Day. *googles* Oh, a Christian rock band. I know it's highly judgemental, but I just can't take Christian Rock seriously. The oxymoron is too big for me to ignore. But! The RNC pulls out its first big gun! "You got the slightly-fey Reagan! OUR ONE IS ALL MAN, BABY!"
Chances of Iran-Contra turning up in this tribute? Oh, well, it was just a thought. Or perhaps his gutting of anti-trust laws? Or setting up the conditions for the S&L collapse? Or Nicaragua? AAAAAA THATCHER! KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT! *pause to laugh at Mark Thatcher* Gorbachev, naturally, just sat on the sidelines while Reagan dismantled the Soviet Union WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
The big speakers should be up soon. Firstly, we're going to have the Lieutenant Governor and Governor of Massachusetts, presumably to bash Kerry's record as Senator. Then Senator Zell Miller (D) who will be selling out his party for a packet of Rolos and an option on Michael Owen. Finally, the Cheney double team. Fun fun fun.
Today's fun fact! Kerry voted to increase taxes 126 times. You'll hear it many times. Hmm, I seem to remember that being a Conservative tactic in past elections over here. It's worked like a charm. Assuming that they wanted eight years of Labour rule. Yawn, 'activist judges' yet again. Oh, a Heinz joke. "we don't want a President who comes in 57 varieties" Now, supposedly, there was a rumour that Romney's speech would drop a bombshell. HAHAHAHAHHAAHA. Surely they have to give up their claims for 'fiscal conservatism' by now, after creating a deficit so large its gravity affects the tides. But no bombshell.
Like the devil, the Democrats have the best tunes (I'll gloss over the PMRC). Soul Man. With all the life sucked out through a straw.
So, what does the Democrat have to say? Ah, Kerry has no backbone. He's jumped because "my family is more important than my party." Oh, so the Democrats shouldn't make national security a partisan issue. Well, let's be fair. Tom Ridge started it. THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE DEMOCRATS! THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO OPPOSE THE REPUBLICANS! IT'S HOW A PARTY SYSTEM WORKS, DIMWIT! Oh, and Americans freed Europe all. by. themselves. Naturally. Next up, reporters, artists, and dissenters are worthless compared to a soldier. And now a list of military hardware that Kerry opposed. He's working the crowd quite well, depressingly. "Kerry would let Paris decide when to use force." And Bush has a "spine of tempered steel" GO WEAPON BUSH! BESERKER RAGE!
I will send someone a crisp £10 to the first prime-time speaker that doesn't mention 9/11. Lynne. It's getting beyond a joke now.
THE MAIN EVENT! I don't know what it is; Cheney is like a genetically engineered version of a Republican. All compassion selected and removed at the basic DNA level, leaving only a core of pure, well, evil (yeah, yeah, he's not really evil. But to look at him, he'd crush you underfoot without a second thought). This is definitely the second most depressing thing of the not. Wait - people are being bundled down in front? What's that about? The Taliban have been driven from power! Or Kabul. But don't worry! almost eleven million people have registered to vote. Sure, only nine million are eligible to register, but hey, we're skipping to Tamany Hall-era democracy.
Meanwhile, on NBC, John McCain on Miller:
I just don't agree that Democrats are unpatriotic.... I believe John Kerry is qualified to be commander-in-chief.
Oh, and no, Cheney hasn't mentioned bin Laden either. Now we're getting into Kerry-bashing, along with UN bashing on the side. Hurrah! Oh, for God's sake, even Bush talked about sensitivity! It's pretty much the usual — Kerry's a wuss who would ask France for permission to go to war, and so on. I really hope that SOMEONE, SOMEONE from the opposition will explain how a bill can voted for, and against. And…no…I've just had too much. See you tomorrow for the finale.