Elephant Goes To Town

So, yeah, bub. The lion is lying down with the lamb, chalk and cheese have been seen holding each other's hands, and the Republicans are having a convention in New York. People are not amused.

Meanwhile the Republican Party is calling respectable financiers fronts for drug cartels, and giving the opening invocation to somebody who compares the fight against gay marriage to the struggle against Hitler. Classy.

I have a sick fantasy for tonight. John McCain will get half-way through his address, then undergo a Damascus conversion, yelling "No, I'm sorry. With all my conscience, I cannot recommend George W. Bush for the Presidency. Kerry/Edwards 2004!" before being bundled off the stage by the Enforcers.

But that won't happen. McCain is a party man like all the others. He owes to continued career to the Party rallying around his when he was implicated in the S&L scandals during the 1980s. He is not as moderate as he appears. He just seems that way. Tonight, he will pledge loyalty to the Bush family, not withstanding all the smears, the disagreements, and the lies. For McCain believes in the Elephant, That's why Kerry/McCain was nothing but a flight of fancy.

OutKast are singing up a storm at the VMAs. Sorry, MTV UK doesn't show the VMAs until a day afterwards, so they can edit out all the bad language, even if it's ten minutes to midnight. "For the millionth time, Hey Ya!" Still great. (the tenuous connection? the set is laid out like a convention, and now balloons are falling from the ceiling), Although it should have been held in New York. Pop v. Politics! It would be like West Side Story, but with only one side dancing. I can't be the only one who wants to see Andre 3000, Big Boi and P. Diddy face off against George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Karl Rove, can I?

Oh, perhaps I can.

My BitTorrent source for The Daily Show has disappeared, so I'm devoid of my snark this week. Bah. As you can imagine, there's not much of interest right now; BBC Parliament is showing people calling into PBS. Awesome.

From the platform document!

Abstinence from sexual activity is the only protection that is 100 percent effective against out-of-wedlock pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, including sexually transmitted HIV/AIDS. Therefore, we support doubling abstinence education funding. We oppose school-based clinics that provide referrals, counseling, and related services for contraception and abortion.

BAG OF HAMMERS.

Dear God. Playing Let's Stay Together. That's almost criminal. Still, I think they've finally understood that Born in the USA is not the best song to play at a convention. And the songs going over the speakers will probably be the best music of the convention. I mean, even Bruce Willis decided to hang out with P. Diddy rather than turn in. Man, that's harsh.

Hurrah! Now, I'm not normally one to be a Luddite, but you don't get this problem with pencil and paper, you know…

Okay, so I watched Justice League, and when I came back, there's some scary singing group doing a 'thing'. Oh, it's an introduction to New York. Dear me. It's bad. BUT NOT AS BAD AS THE SNL SPOOF. MY EYES.

Is it just me, or does the sound have a great deal of echo? And Dennis Hastert is pretty awful as a speaker. Which is unfortunate for a Speaker of the House. Aha, out first flip-flop mention of the evening. Oh, and he's gone. Perhaps I shouldn't have been watching Ally McBeal (first season - obviously).

Hey hey! it's Dick Cheney! "Dick Cheney's daughter couldn't be with us tonight, because most of your will be afraid of catching gay cooties" (of course, I don't know what she looks like, so she might actually be there, I suppose) AND WILL THEY STOP WITH THE MOTOWN CRIBBING? I do not want to associate the sublime You're All I Need To Get By with Lynne and Dick Cheney.

Pat Buchanan is laying the smackdown on the neo-conservatives! Although it speaks to how twisted the world is these days that he's starting to make sense.

ON THE FLOOR! THEY'RE BRINGING THE ROCK TO THE CONVENTION! HARDCORE! VAN HALEN! JUMP! GEORGE BUSH SR! Imagine the chessiest promo, and square it. They just did the Dallas triple screen effect. BUSH READING A BOOK IN A COMFY SWEATER! BUT HE JUMPS OUT OF PLANES TOO! Bah, they're just looping the riff. THE GOP IS HOLDING BACK THE ROCK! LET IT FLY! Or just stop. Bah.

It's Ron Silver! Oooh, "You guys got Toby Ziegler, but we've got Bruno!" "Who?" "You know, the guy who was in the West Wing for a while before they dropped him down the lift shaft on top of Mandy and Ainsley." And he talks about how the President is doing the right thing by going after the people who destroyed the World Trade Center. Quite where Iraq comes into that, he doesn't say, but you know…

"This party isn't about the past" Which is why you've spent the past ten minutes interviewing Veterans. Riiight.

erm. erm. okay, it's only me who finds this army/navy/air force promo tacky. At least they're not including real war footage I suppose.

Hmm. The first day of the DNC was more interesting. By now, Gore had come out swinging. I'M WAITING FOR THEM TO GET THE PARTY STARTED.

Yes, the oh-so-brave President that didn't bother to show up in New York UNTIL THREE DAYS AFTERWARDS. So brave.

Can't be bothered to rebut the PATRIOT Act defence, except laugh at the "critics say that we can snoop at library records. Well, only terrorists use the library anyway" gist.

No one is speaking for long tonight. It's all five minutes and out - ANGIE HARMON! THE GRAVEL VOICE HERSELF!

And now, a little country breakdown. OR PERHAPS? YES? COULD IT BE? A HOE-DOWN?

Meanwhile, rumours abound that the delegates are wearing Purple Heart band-aids to mock Kerry (classy), and that the Secret Service is preventing reporters from interviewing Michael Moore (that's from NPR). Which sounds ridiculous.

CHIC? BOOK ME A TICKET, I"M GONNA FLY OVER AND KICK THEIR ASSES. DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THESE PEOPLE DID? THE NIGHTS IN CLUB 54? Mind you, it is a soulless version, and the two cowboys line dancing are funny.

Here comes McCain. Woo. Although he might get more than five minutes.And for the first time tonight, the crowd sounds like it's actually there. And begins by quoting FDR. Yeah, I know what I said earlier. But actually seeing him doing it is another thing. To be fair, at the moment, he's going out of his way to not criticise the Democrats. But still. OH, FOR ***************** STAND UP MICHAEL. STAND UP. That was a cheap shot of the lowest order.

I'm sorry. Have to stop, before I punch something. I can guess what Rudy is going to say, and I…a party man to the bitter end.

Posted by Ian at August 30, 2004 08:55 PM