The Book of Leviticus

It's full of old legal nonsense that some people still take seriously.

John Peel: DJ and radio presenter

Managing my Life: My autobiography by Alex Ferguson

I'm a Liverpool supporter.

Well, that was May. Rather quick, wasn't it?

The legacy of the 1996 radio deregulation, which resulted in Clear Channel owning 1,200 of America's radio stations (now becoming increasingly centralised and providing less local programming) has given rise to serious opposition to the suggested changes. Internet campaigns, members of Congress, the National Rifle Association, and even some media barons have all expressed their concerns.

The FCC believes that the Internet will prevent America from becoming a media monoculture, so consolidation of TV and print channels shouldn't have too much of an impact. Leaving aside a recent study that indicates that as much as half of the population of the USA is not interested in going online, this idea is flawed. The companies that own the Internet connections, for example RoadRunner, are intimately connected with the media empires (RoadRunner is part of AOL/TimeWarner). How is the Internet supposed to be the saviour of the media when the media empires own the communications links, as well as the TV stations and newspapers? How can new companies emerge when the Baby Bells aren't forced to share the fibre connections?

This is the point where we British can get smug, and say "well, that'd never happen here." Possibly not to the same extent, no, but worrying developments are just over the horizon. The Government is currently pursuing a new Communications Bill which would relax foreign ownership and overall percentage restrictions from the UK. ClearChannel has already expressed an interest about buying several UK radio stations after the Bill becomes law. I give you Lowry Mays, head of Clear Channel:

If anyone said we were in the radio business, it wouldn't be someone from our company. We're not in the business of providing news and information. We're not in the business of providing well-researched music. We're simply in the business of selling our customers' products.

Not exactly Reithian, is it?

While I was away, my family finally caved and bought a Sky satellite dish. My sister controls the TV with an iron fist, hopping through the fifty or so music channels with deft efficiency, only pausing for the Bhangra station and the inevitable Justin Timberlake music videos. Everybody else has now gone to bed, so I've just had a quick look around. For all those who think of Britain as the last bastion of quality TV programming, I give you FriendlyTV. The current programme? Three girls getting drunk and responding to text messages being sent to them by people who also seem to have had a few. It's not exactly Edge of Darkness. So what am I doing watching it? Er, that's a very good point; let's move on.

Okay, RaptureTV seems to be exactly the same, except instead the girls have been replaced by a rave soundtrack. Skipping through the Movies and Sport sections (we only have Sky Prole), and into the news channels. Which blend into one after a while. Except for FOX News, of course. I can only watch it for about five minutes before I want to start throwing things. Today, it was a smug, self-satisfied item on Amnesty International's annual report. I have no objections with them criticising Amnesty; what I have a problem with is their attempt to discredit the report by effectively saying "Saddam's gone. Isn't the world better? Surely you don't support Saddam's Evil Regime, do you? I bet you liked Hitler." If the report has flaws, tell us about them. In a non-hysterical manner, preferably.

Cartoons! Excellent. The world is better for the existence of the Cartoon Network (Roadrunner marathons!). But I'm trying to discover new things, so I'll press on.

Oh. Approximately 175,324 teleshopping channels. Most of which seem to run American infomercials.

Actually, I think I'll go to bed and read a book.

The Ireland thing: I promise I didn't lift it from Father Ted. However, a brief search through the Internet reveals nothing apart from references to reports that RTE wanted the rules changed so that all the countries shared in the staging costs rather than the winner having to bear all the burden, which might be seen as evidence that they were struggling a little. Mind you, I also found several messages from Irish USENET posters complaining that RTE was using the contest as an excuse to get more funding from the Government. So, er, yes, "throwing" it was a bit strong: "extremely pleased to lose" probably describes it better.

This has been a Bank Holiday Corrections Update.

Well, not exactly. I don't know how it's viewed on the Continent, but in Britain, the Contest is seen as a great opportunity to laugh at the awful music that the rest of Europe makes. We always vote for an abysmal song, and sit back with a smug look on our faces. Meanwhile, all the poor countries of Europe live in fear of actually winning the contest, as the cost of staging the event is rather expensive (many people believe that Ireland once deliberately threw the contest a few years back because they had won three times in a row, and the state broadcaster simply couldn't afford a fourth win). Every year, the UK commentary is provided by a radio DJ called Terry Wogan, who supplies a withering and sarcastic voice to the proceedings, mocking everything from dress sense to the performances. The night has become a popular kitsch event, where we laugh at the silly Europeans.

And then there's the voting. It's supposed to be based solely on the musical merit of the performances, but as you can imagine, this never occurs. Countries which neighbour each other always tend to give the other the top marks, all the Eastern European countries remember to include Russia, and Greece never gives any points to Turkey. It's as entertaining as the music section.

This year will be remembered as a classic Eurovision Night; long-standing enmities were cast aside as the countries in Europe finally united. Unfortunately, the one thing they can agree on is that they aren't particularly happy with the UK. For the first time in the history of the Contest, Britain received no votes, nul points. That'll teach us to side with the Americans.

The eventual winner was Turkey, thus shocking the world by illustrating that combining "teenage" and "lesbians" isn't a guaranteed way of obtaining success after all. The Russian Mafia is said to be returning to the drawing board for next year's contest. Meanwhile, we'll moan a bit for the next few days about how we got no votes, it's all rubbish anyway, and isn't it all political, forgetting of course, that's entirely why we watch the thing in the first place…

The jacket is designed for women only. Its small size and narrow armholes are intended to prevent men from using it as an offensive weapon. Whiton conceded that women could use it offensively, and that it would be hard for police to arrest anyone wearing one.

It's not a jetpack, but it's a start. Extra hardcore points for the idea of field testing the jacket in Boston. Oh, and for making the sparks visible in the jacket itself, thus giving it a proper 21st century look.

The comic industry in Japan is facing serious problems; apparently manga is not quite as popular with children as it used to be. This is interesting, as the American industry is looking to Japan to rescue it from a serious depression at the moment. While the Japanese market is still vastly bigger than anything in the West, news like this suggests that they don't have all the answers.

Back to the Texan Democrats, I'm afraid. Remember last week, when I mentioned that the Department of Homeland Security was used to locate these "legislative terrorists"? Well, other people noticed, and it appears that Tom Ridge (head of the DHS) is investigating "potentially criminal" use of his agency in respect to the Democrat exodus. Could we possibly be seeing another Senate Majority Leader fall before the year is out?

Today, I finally discovered the problem I have with The Matrix; it's more interesting to discuss the ideas and concepts it talks about than actually spending two-and-a-half hours sitting in a cinema and watching the film. I love talking about the symbolism, the works it derives from, but I have no desire to see Reloaded ever again.

The freeway scenes are amazing; the end of that section has one of the greatest special effects shots that I've ever seen. But everything else seemed fairly limp: an overlong dance scene at the start which, despite the best efforts of the Wachowski brothers, ends up looking like the Ewok party scene from Return of The Jedi, several scenes where the film grinds to a complete halt while new characters deliver all-important expositional dialogue (with! comedy! evil! French! accents!), and some suspect CGI effects.

And then there's the fight scenes. All of which last about five minutes too long. The vaunted million-Smiths vs. Neo just goes on and on; after about three minutes you begin to get bored, because although it looks fairly impressive, nothing is actually happening — they're just swirling about. Instead of ending it there, the fight continues with Smith reinforcements. The CGI work starts to become obvious at this point (the repeated use of certain effect shots doesn't help either), spoiling the scene further. And then, after what seems like ten minutes, the fight…just ends. After such a long scene, I expect there to be consequences more than "ooh, look what the fuzzy elf guy can do now!"

That's not to say that the film was a total disaster; two twists towards the end made things more interesting, whilst at the same time throwing light on certain plot points from the first film, and I liked Persephone's throwaway line of "it's only a game" (which could be an Invisibles reference, but I'm most likely projecting). I also love the way the entire film is drenched in symbolism, from the pomegranate desert in front of Merovingian and Persephone, to the shattered dreams of Morpheus at the end of the film.

Let's hope that in the next film, the Wachowski brothers rein in some of the excess. Yes, I know that sounds silly considering it's a Hollywood blockbuster, but by excess I mean extending the action scenes to the point where they become irritating.

Feel free to post long, point-by-point annihilations of my review in the comment section. As I said, I enjoy talking about it…

I've updated the site a little today; shamed by Matt's fancy new comment system, I finally got around to changing the comment template so that it doesn't look like I spent five minutes changing the original one supplied with MovableType. The design seems to break on long hyperlinks, but I'm not sure if there's anything I can do to fix that.

Back to the cynical news links, I suppose. Nice move, Admiral. Calling it Terrorist Information Awareness is a fantastic idea. Those Senators don't want to be seen voting against defeating terror, do they?

Meanwhile, thousands of people are dying in the Congo, while 750 UN troops look on, powerless to do anything. Oh, and Indonesia has parachuted troops into the Aceh province, bringing the area under martial law. Expect war to break out in the next few days.

Let's finish with something that doesn't involve crushing despair, shall we? Hundreds of Albert Einstein's papers have been placed on-line as part of a joint project between CalTech and the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. Yay for digital archiving!

Ari Fleischer resigns.

Microsoft gets the conspiracy brigade working overtime.

A Guardian journalist's account of his last days in Zimbabwe.

Remember all those stories set in the future where corporations have their own private armies?

Basra has good ice-cream.

Okay, time for bed. I must really get around to changing the time zone on this site…

Quote of the Day (from Panorama, talking to Richard Perle): "Don't you worry that you're scaring the hell out of the rest of the world?"

Double-decker buses! Closed shop fronts! Brief periods of sunshine followed by drizzling rain! Workmen tearing up the main street yet again, meaning that the only access to half the shops is via wooden ramps! But, hey, at least it's not Cambridge…

It's an interesting story; when I first heard about the exodus, it seemed as if the Democrats were just throwing a tantrum by running away, but it's not quite that simple. Every ten years, the Legislature redraws the district maps for Texas, changing the boundaries for senate, house, and educational areas. The last redrafting was supposed to take place in 2001, but the Legislature failed to come to an agreement, and after a series of lawsuits, the task was given to a panel comprised of three Federal judges. This new map would likely have given Democrats 17 out of the 32 Congressional seats available in Texas.

At this point, Tom DeLay (R-Texas), Majority Leader of the House of Representatives came up with a new set of districting plans which would have seen Republicans ending up with 19 of the 32 seats, and the flight of the Democrats at the weekend was a last-ditch attempt to stop this new map from replacing the one approved by the three-judge panel, as the GOP currently has a sizable majority in the Texas House of Representatives. The only way to stop the bill from passing was to invoke the quorum rule.

Not only did the Texas Republicans call the fleeing Democrats "legislative terrorists", they used the Office of Homeland Security to track them to the Holiday Inn in Oklahoma. An excellent idea, and not at all a waste of time for an agency that's supposed to be hunting down terrorists.

Okay, I've finished boring you now. I'm just cursed with finding these things interesting.

Bicester seems smaller. More so than when I came back from Manchester, which is rather strange. I imagine I'll get used to it again eventually.

But enough of that. Yesterday, I was reintroduced to the joys of Jeremy Paxman (for any Americans reading — Paxman is one of the BBC's most feared interviewers, as he doesn't accept dissembling answers from politicians). Today, I discovered that The Daily Show archives the main story of the day, so you too can enjoy this wonderful slice of American politics (although I have no idea as to how long the link will be valid for, so be quick). Why can't our local politics stories be this bizarre?

Tomorrow, I will do something productive. I promise.

Today's (possibly) interesting observation: walking around Tesco's, I noticed several American brand names which weren't here a year ago: Welch's, V8, and a few others which I can't remember now. The Americanisation of Britain continues apace (I know that'll make some of you unhappy).

I've installed a wireless network in the house, so I now have the ability to use my iBook outside. That's assuming that it stops raining sometime, of course.

Hopefully, these blog entries should become more coherent as the week goes on, but in the meantime, here's a random link explaining what happened to Saturday morning TV in America during the 1990s.

Really should be getting to bed now, but I saw this link and thought it should be included. It's certainly one way of making your point, I suppose…

That's a very good question. Having deftly sabotaged my life, it would be nice to have some idea about what to do next. Answers on a postcard, please…

Anyway, back in Britain. Yes, it has been raining. At the moment, there's a big black cloud hanging in the sky, just waiting to relieve itself upon Bicester. It's surprising just how little a town can change in a year, you know.

Everybody likes to joke about the lax security in US airports, but we were out of Gatwick in less than half an hour, having sailed through Customs with a considerable amount of consumer electronics. I am thankful for the Jamaican cigarette smugglers who occupied the official's attention while we trundled through with our packed trolleys ($220 in excess baggage costs. Yay!).

One last thing, before I go back to fretting about what to do next; it's really strange how a simple thing such as fonts on road signs can make a country feel different. In America, the signs are set with a stern typeface, and are very concise (you're lucky if you get more information than a sign saying 15-501 East, for example). Back home, the signs have a slightly quaint and friendly looking font, with copious amounts of detail. This is actually fairly deceptive, as American roads tend to be more amendable to making mistakes — you just come off at the next exit (not very far) and turn around, whereas here you can find yourself joining the wrong motorway really easily if you don't pay attention to where you're going…

Need…sleep…

There's nothing like that here; it has been an honour and a privilege to be around the members of UNITAS for the last eight months. They've been kind and friendly, even after I spent the first semester locked in my room. There's Sona, a graduate student who has been to most of the countries in the Far East; he never gave up on me, was always been wiling to help at a moment's notice, and has been the best neighbour I could possibly ask for. Kavita is going to be such a wonderful teacher; she's full of life, boundless enthusiasm, and she has been practicing reading stories aloud to anybody on the hall who can't move fast enough to escape. Paul will have deep and probing conversations about the meaning of existence at five in the morning, asking the questions that we never dare to say out loud. Parthe has often got up as early as I did, so I applaud the gentlemanly conduct we indulged in, leading to only one occasion when we left our rooms at the exact moment for a shower. I could go on for a long time, but I'll finish with Laura. I don't think I've met anybody quite so dedicated to the causes that she believes in. This doesn't mean that she's a mindless zealot, though; like all good journalists, she's interested in the truth than being caught up in partisan spin. On top of that, she's funny, keenly intelligent, and a supporter of Liverpool. I suppose I can overlook that last one. As I said, it has been an honour to be with them; my regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

(For anybody who's wondering, Rishi is French. Otherwise he'd be up there as well. One of the greatest friends I've had the pleasure of making)

The city itself is full of friendly people, always ready to stop and pass the time of day, with a public transport system that easily outstrips anything in a comparatively sized British town. No, it's not perfect. But what is? If you look hard enough, you probably will find racists, narrow-minded people, and so on, but is that really any different from home? Where 142 voters in my home town honestly thought that a National Front member should represent their views in the local council? No, it's not perfect, but neither are we.

My biggest fear is that I will lose contact with these people. I hope that I will know them for the rest of my life — that we shall always remain close, even if the physical distance between us is vast.

On that note, I turn sideways to the sun, and in a moment I am gone.

Um, yes. Do I think about these things too much?

It all started on Sunday night, when Laura was shocked to discover that I had only then ordered my first take-out pizza. Further questioning revealed that there's many American things that I haven't experienced, and she vowed to make sure I didn't go home without doing some of them. Hence the sandwich and the braiding of styrofoam packing (that one might not be a American tradition. Just in case you decide to turn up for the braiding).

Two days left. Staying happy until the end…

Enemy Combatant! Send him to Camp X-Ray!

Hang on, this means I can't watch Buffy, Angel, or The Daily Show this week, doesn't it? Curses++.

As you might have noticed, updates are going to be on the small side this week. Lots of things to do, not much time to write. Of course, after next week, I'll have all the time in the world…*sigh*

I have a cheque from the IRS! They're paying my excess baggage charges. Hah! Just to rub it in, I'll be filing for another refund next year as well. I don't trust them with my money…

Your first encounter with an American washing machine will be a disconcerting experience. Unlike in Her Majesty's Empire, wherein the drum is mounted on a vertical axis, allowing your garments to spin up and down freely, the colonial machine appears to be mounted horizontally. Clothes will then, therefore, spin to the outward extreme of the drum, and tend to stay there in a wet crumpled heap after the alloted washing time has elapsed

Empirical testing seems to suggest that the Imperial method provides a better wash, but this research could be compromised by the next difference that we urge Britons to observe.

It has come to our attention that American detergents do not clean as throughly as the fine products you find at your local corner shop. Again, more testing is required, but three different brands failed to clean lightly soiled fabric in one cycle. This state of affairs seems to be acknowledged by the companies of the New World, who suggest adding more of their product to produce a cleaner wash. This publication urges caution at this advice, especially when using detergent in tablet form. On occasion, the washing machine will fail to utilise enough water to dissolve all the tablets, leaving your clothes with a disturbing layer of hardened soap.

Finally, we must make a note about tumble dryers. These abound in the Americas; the time-honoured tradition of the humble clothes-line appears to have died out in these lands. Our advice is to experiment with a selection of different dryers before settling on one to use for the rest of your time abroad. Although they may appear identical, certain machines seem to be better at their task than others, so experimentation is vital.

We hope that you will be able to put this humble guide to some utility. In closing, we would like to remind the reader that exposure to different cultures is all part of the travelling experience, and to bear this in mind when extracting a soap-encrusted trouser leg from the washing machine.

WARNING: Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury.

You know, I'm not certain I want the drink anymore…

Today's job was to try and get rid of the junk I've managed to pick up over the year. Lots of receipts, tax guides, cardboard boxes, and lecture notes all fed to the hungry recycling bins. That leaves me with a VCR, a microwave and a fridge to find homes for before next Friday…